Foggy Days

I have spent the past few weeks in a perpetual fog of sleep deprivation.

Baby J. was a good sleeper for the first 4 months of her life - this means: she would wake up a few times a night to eat and then go straight back to sleep, and she would take 2-3 hour naps - sometimes several in one day. Occasionally, she would be awake for the day a bit earlier than I liked, but really I had no complaints. In fact, I was shocked that babies could be as 'easy' as she was. (I think I talk some about this easiness in previous blogs) She even slept through the night (9:30-4:30/5:00) several times. So, I was tired, but not as tired as I expected to be.

But, about 2 months ago - around the time she got her first teeth, and after we moved her out of her bassinet and into a crib - she decided she didn't want to sleep anywhere but next to me. I would wake up to nurse her and put her back in bed as usual, but instead of going back to sleep she would start to cry. I think one night I nursed her 7 times before she finally stayed asleep and then only for an hour. Since the shift occurred - most nights have involved at least 3 wakings. Then, a few weeks ago, I started waking up with her in bed with me. I had a vague memory of going to the bathroom and moving her into my bed - but I didn't wake up enough to realize that she really should be sleeping in her bed. After a week of that and our trip to Kansas, I decided to start weening her off night time feedings in an attempt to get her to sleep through the night (she's slept through the night a few times AND at 6 months is old enough to not need to eat at night - according to such and such and so and so Pediatricians). She is also transitioning into her crib for naps. The two combined mean no sleep and no down time for me.

The naps are going ok - but she now only naps for about an hour at a time. Our nights, however, are how I expected them to be with a newborn....awake every hour or two. Last night I was so exhausted I gave up - I nursed her and put her in bed with me around 1am....and she proceed to wiggle and squirm ALL night. The La Leche article I read on night weening was totally unhelpful - mainly because all the women are co-sleeping and trying to night wean their 15-month or older babies. I really wouldn't even mind still doing a once-a-night feeding, if it meant she would sleep the rest of the night. I've tried more clothes, in case she's cold, a noise maker etc. She seems uncomfortable or something, and I can't fix it. She also has the roll-over issue. She likes to sleep on her side, but she keeps trying to bury her face in the mattress (a nursing reflex type of deal) which causes her to flip onto her belly - and makes her wide awake.

I don't really know what the point of this whole message is...I just feel tired...and being tired really affects how I parent. I have such a short temper when I'm tired...and hot...cause it's really, really hot. I feel like a weenie being grumpy over a little lost sleep....I've been sleep deprived for over half of my life, and it never really seemed to bother me. But somehow I think 5 or 6 hours of continuous sleep trumps 8 hours of interrupted sleep - especially if it's interrupted several times.

Exhaustion leads to more things than grumpiness, though, it also causes an extreme lack of motivation and a desire to sit and munch things (I can't sleep while the kids are awake so I might as well eat something!) - basically a downward spiral into obesity.

BUT 'this too shall pass' as whichever of my relatives always quotes from somewhere....I will get sleep again someday, and maybe even some energy! YAY!